Epic Fail

  I got this in an e-mail and thought it was funny.  It reads:

EPIC FAIL

If you're tasting another man's finger while his junk is in your face, his foot is in 

your junk and his gravitational pull has lifted you off the ground...

You, sir, have failed.

Road Signs

  Okay everybody.  If you drive in Oklahoma (or the rest of the country), I'm sure you've seen the black and yellow signs that look like the one I posted above.  These are not speed limit signs. These are caution signs.  You don't HAVE to go this speed.

  Just for the record, REGULATORY speed limit signs are black and white.  In fact, all mandatory signs are colored only with black, red, orange, and/or white.  If it's yellow or green or purple or fucking polka-dotted, you don't HAVE to follow it.

  Just so I'm clear, when the yellow and black 45mph signs show up on HWY 9, DON'T DRIVE 45 MILES PER HOUR.  Continue driving the speed limit and fuck everyone that's going to Little Axe, Country Boy, or the Thunderbird Casino. Thank you.

The Biggest Loser

  My parents decided to propose a challenge to their oldest child.  They want me to lose weight. Shit.

  They did give me an incentive.  They told me if I could lose 50lbs. they would give me $500.  So, now, I'm going to lose 50lbs.  My lovely wife joined Weight Watchers at work and now I follow the plan and walk 4 or 5 times a week.

  I went to the doctor on Monday and found out my cholesterol is just fine (thank God), but I do weigh 291lbs.  I'll try to keep you guys updated on my weight loss as I weigh-in every week.

School Snobbery

  I guess this has turned into my bitch and moan page.  Another thing I hate is when people call universities the wrong name.  They always leave the "State" off.  I heard a colleague say, "I watched OSU play Iowa yesterday." Really? How the fuck did Iowa get in the Big XII tourney?

  There's a big difference between Iowa and Iowa State. If I'd gone to Iowa, I would resent the hell out of people referring to Iowa State as Iowa.

Worst mistakes to make:

1. Oklahoma/Oklahoma State

2. Penn/Penn State

3. Texas/Texas State

4. North Carolina/North Carolina State

5. Arkansas/Arkansas State

(Okay, I might be regionally biased.)

Norman Mexican food

Okay Normanites, 

  I went to Tarahumara's today with the Mrs. and realized that I don't like "Tara's".  I don't like the fact that they rush you out of there with Biblical vengeance.  Each and every time I go in there they take my drink order, take my entree order, give me my obligatory refill, and give me the check all at the same time.  I've been there 8 minutes and I'm getting pushed out.  Hey, here's your sopapilla, now get the fuck out.  

Norman Mexican food rankings:

1. Los Dos Amigos

2. Ted's

3. La Luna

4. Tara's

5. Chelino's

99. On the Border

Pet Peeves

  I just realized two of my pet peeves.  I've been annoyed by these things for years, but I just put two and two together. I'm a little slow.  Maybe you agree with me, maybe you don't.

1. Large Menus - Why do restaurants have to make their menus so large?  I understand they want a large variety of options, but why does the menu have to be so large physically? If you have four people at a table, you can barely fit your drinks on the table with the damn menus.  You can't converse with your guests while you're all trying to figure out what you want. It's annoying.

2. Powerful soap dispensers - Does anybody ever complain about a hand soap dispenser not having the ability to get soap into their hands? When I want soap, I want it in my hands, not all over the damn counter.  The answer for this is the foaming hand soap dispensers. Bath & Body Works had the same issue, I guess. Those cheeky bastards beat me to the punch.

  If I ever open a restaurant, you'll have foaming hand soap dispensers and non-Flintstone sized menus.

Smooth Away

  My wife just purchased the Smooth Away hair removal product. You've probably seen it advertised on tv.  It claims to remove hair instantly & pain free.  It is pain free but takes off no hair.

  "Discovered in Europe!" Maybe it doesn't work on this side of the pond. I wrote them an e-mail. I'll keep everyone updated on the response.

Long Weekend

  I had a long weekend. Sorry for the lack of updates.  The only thing I have to add today is that her name is Kaley Cuoco not Kelly.  I hate it when I do shit like that.  I apologize for the mistake.